I started thinking about how I was telling close friends about my current problem and Travis accidentally made me aware of what I was doing... he mentioned how he now feels personally involved and that is not what I'm looking for. I don't want a person to feel responsible for the outcome one way or another. It's not their problem, it is mine and my family's.
The kindness and patience Katie and Travis have shown me is heavensent as I've almost no tolerance for being in my own house. However, I need to make certain that I am not abandoning my mother simply because I'm pissed off at Tony (that's my father). And so... I need to make some sort of effort to be around my house a little bit more than I have been.
I dunno what else to really say. I'm not looking for empathy in any way when I talk about it. It's simply to keep myself from exploding and becoming a complete neurotic. Unfortunately it's not as easy as you'd like to believe.
Just because you know you're being negatively affected doesn't make it any easier reversing the effects. All you do is keep it at bay but the paranoia is still nagging.
2006 needs to end NOW.
