Life is certainly full of surprises and Dane is the biggest surprise of them all. There's just no other way to describe how I feel except that we click and I am happy. After weeks, months even, of feeling isolated and lonely, suddenly, I find someone who is like me more than I could ever imagine. Although I'm thrilled to find someone, I'm not 100% where we're going to go with this. I know he's not healed completely from his past experience, that much is clear enough. And in all honesty, I don't have the time to be completely and utterly dedicated to a relationship. I have college applications, school work, marching band, and work -- all of which I have ignored this weekend.
I'm risking so much letting myself get distracted, but I can't help myself. Last Friday, when I listened to him talk, it was shocking as if my eyes unexpectedly just came into focus and I could see for the first time in my life. I knew, in spite of all the bullshit he says to other people, what he said was what it was. No reading between the lines, no overthinking or misinterpreting, it was the truth. Never have I had a moment of such immense clarity... and I felt honored that he trusted me.
But today was different. There was nothing super amazingly astonishing to discover, it just was. We played mini golf and walked around downtown, not always talking, sometimes just enjoying the presence of each other. And although I enjoyed it and would not change a thing about the day, I learned I'm not ready for any kind of serious committment and that scares me. To find someone whom I feel equal to and not to want to be with them all the time, frightens me.
I guess I just don't want to wake up tomorrow and realize this whole weekend was just a weekend. I don't want this to end.
