I think I live a manic life and this is the reason for my incredible mood swings. My life swings from one side of the spectrum to the other side so abruptly that it knocks the wind out of me.
Last entry, very happy, optimistic even! I was riding so high that I was destined to get knocked off that horse quickly.
Without going into detail what it was about, Travis and I had a fight of such enormous proportions that my head was spinning from it. At first, I knew why I was so pissed (mostly cos I've got such a firecracker temper) but I had given up anger about halfway through our fight because he had pushed me to that ledge where I shut off from the world. When I get there, I just give up; I stop thinking, talking, reacting... I just stop. Then a few hours later, he calls back and we sort-of talk.
Now, by this point, I had gone home and had been talking to my mother, where she proceeded to lay a new bomb in my lap. All I can say is that if people knew the full extent of the secrets that I carry with me... tallied all the things that I am supposedly to not be aware of... you would be astonished that I function in society at all. I may not function well, but I still function without too many questions.
I didn't want my mother to leave this morning.
Anyway, Travis calls me back and we get into our argument. It amazes me that I had given up the argument by now and he was still pushing the issue (which has been a noticeable trend in our friendship). But then I began to realize the shit he was talking about... had nothing to do with me! Fancy that. Suposedly I am responsible for some of his anger, but not the vast majority of it (although he never did cite what it was). I almost laughed out of bewilderment when I heard him talking because all I could think is, "What are you talking about?!"
It was left unresolved and it probably stay like that.
Whatever, I have a day of work ahead of me.
