No, I haven't committed suicide since my last rant. I have just been incredibly busy, thus my prolonged absence [as if anyone actually reads this]. Musical has been incredibly draining. Unlike my fellow singer and dancers, it is not draining in the physical. I have had an average of three mental breakdowns per night since last Sunday. Those mental breakdowns tend to be a bit exhausting. All of those mental breakdowns are the direct result of Mr. Fowler and the crazy lush he happens to be. He changes his mind allllll the time and keeps forgetting!! Finally, I became so frustrated with him that I started to throw things. Just little things, like pens and pencils.
Anyway, the musical has not been the same show two nights in a row. Like last night, Cassie's wig came off on stage. The night before, she missed her entrance and Amazing Megan covered for her seamlessly. But we've experienced mikes not plugged in correctly or simply just not turned on, missed sound and lights cues, and, of course, not having enough help to shift sets. And people wonder why I have not bothered to censor my swearing. I can't anymore.
This entire last week, I have spent every day with Dwight. There are times I wonder if I'm being selfish. Jon and a few other people were going to play Monopoly with Tacos ("Tacnopoly"), and I know for a fact that Dwight would have joined them if it wasn't for me. That is the exact kind of game Dwight would have tons of fun playing -- but he skipped out because of me. I don't even think they were considering inviting me, just Dwight. That hurts because I don't want to be defined by my relationship. Dwight is still Dwight and I am still Christine.
What's worse is that last night, Jon and I joked around about doing each other. Actually, it was more of Jon asking me and I replying, "Sure, whatever." Well, this was over the headset during the musical, so, of couse, Dwight was listening. Soon, the joke got out of hand and Dwight was being cruel. Naturally, I lashed out in return. Stupid, stupid shit. But it hurt.
Now off to get a shower and start a new day.
