Goddamn am I tired. I am also starting to fall behind in my work. It's not too abd yet. I just have to actually start it in the next few minutes, continue until midnight, and then I should be all right. I sound really... unheatlhy. Too bad I'm too lazy to really follow through with that plan.
Anyway, I had Marching Band ALL FREAKING DAY yesterday. As fun as it was, it isn't nearly as fun when you have a close friend to talk to. I just kinda babbled to anyone who would give me an hear. I'm more tired than anything.
Then I worked morning shift again today and... that could have been better. When I work 6 hours straight with no break, it tells you that I was busy. I was at the breaking point of busy. When Dwight arrived at work, Steph and I let him have it ((he closed the night before)) and, boy, did we really lay it on thick. He got really upset ((not a surprise, cuz he wasn't going into work expecting to be bitched at)) and I felt bad to see him upset, but it was because of him and Sara closing that I was so miserable and behind. I am not going to take back what I said, because the truth is, they had a really unsuaully crappy closing and Steph and I were racing against the clock to get party subs made.
But, whatever, Dwight will get over it. I get angry with him and then he becomes really upset over it and I melt. I'm such a pushover about it, because it hurts to see him pissedupset at him. I sometimes wish emotions were as easily mended as bruises. You kiss them and the pain goes away. But emotional pain lingers and you dwell on it and it becomes worse.
I told Dwight to stop by my house after work so we can talk. I refuse to let this sit for days while we're at school and thinking a million horried thoughts about each other. I guess this is a big sign that reads "Serious Relationship" and have a sub-caption "commitment," something that scares most people. But I don't feel obligated to talk to him. I want to see him, even if it is only for 15 minutes, even if it is only to hear him say how Steph and I sounded like bitches, even if it's only to cry and say "I'm sorry" and then he goes home and I won't see him until next weekend.
Maybe this all sounds so petty and easily solved, but, although the initial problem is solved, the bits are still lying there. I know the results of letting things unsaid build up and explode in argument. I've seen it and I don't want to go there again. Not to be overly emotional or anything, but I value the relationship a bit too much to fuck up now.
Thanks for reading. Goodnight.
